Catfish

"We are such a good example for my daughter on how BFF friendships should be. She finds our stuff sometimes and loves to talk about it. And I enjoy telling her things. She saw a CD with a heart on it in the car and knew it was from you-not from JB like she should assume but from you 'cause of the heart. She said "You and V always do hearts for each other that's how I know." And then she comes home to write something for her best friend and HAS to put hearts all over it 'cause that's how we do. We make it look special to her and not just a simple friendship."

There are parts of my life that I tend to keep private because they just aren't acceptable to talk about. However in this day and age, the suppressed secrets are the most celebrated. With the popularity of MTV's critically acclaimed show, Catfish, people have become more accepting of the personalities met online.

Call this a Catfish Story.
Call this a True Life Story.

My best friend is eight years older than me, and we met online...seven years ago.

I was 14 at the time. It was the era of myspace. The frenzy of AIM chat rooms was dying down but AIM was still a popular instant messaging tool. Xanga had run its course about a year or two prior, but being the lover of words and recollection that I am, I continued to use it to blog about my daily Junior High escapades.

I was at that age where I was no longer playing games on the home computer, but participating in social media. I took twenty of the same photo for my profile picture, I posted broody song lyrics as the title to surveys.  I didn't just have a social media identity, I had a secret roleplaying one too.

People think of role playing as something sick, sometimes sexual, and you are definitely classified as a nerd if you do so. Roleplaying on Xanga was innocent fun. Harry Potter was the big thing at the time. You create a scenario-Harry's fourth year, during the Tri-Wizard tournament. You create a list of characters, and people chose to be those characters. They create biographies, find a celebrity to portray the character, and interact with other characters through comments and narratives. When I first started, a roleplaying conversation went something like this.

:Ginny leans in and kisses Harry, then laughs: "I think I'm bad at this."

Today, it has evolved into a full on story.

Ginny leaned in, kissing Harry, her long, fiery red hair covering their faces, in case any of her brothers walked by. As if that hair was so inconspicuous...
She pulled away after a moment, chuckling, a rosy tint to her cheeks. "I think I'm bad at this."

Roleplaying was an interactive story, where you remained in character online. There was romance, friendships, enemies. Teachers, students. All in a Harry Potter related world. A magical world.

Roger Davies of Hogwarts 6288

Sarah Fawcett of Hogwarts 6288

I met Ashley about four months into my new obsession. Her character, Sarah Fawcett, gave my boy, Roger Davies, a run for his money. Amidst all the chaos brought about by Harry Potter's fourth year, Sarah and Roger found love, babies, marriage. And I found Ashley.


She was 22, living in Montgomery, Alabama with her husband, Jb, and their fifteen month old daughter,
Payton Annabelle. She had a Golden Retriever, Jupiter, and a cat, Patches...I'm not sure if it was a boy or girl because she always called it both. She had a younger sister who was my age.

One of the first pictures I saw of Ashley,
May 2006

We roleplayed nonstop. In chat rooms. Through comments. On AIM. We became friends on myspace.Then one day...she just wanted to talk.

And then one day...we started talking on the phone. A short conversations turned into ones that lasted hours. We talked about music. I was going through my "rock" stage and she had tons of recommendations. We liked the same kind of books. We both loved One Tree Hill. (I got a late start, but it was her who introduced me to it.) She gave me advice on my high school problems, I listened as she vented about her life at the time.  I was the first person to know she was pregnant with her second child. We talked about literally everything.

People have tried to say she was a mentor, an older sister type figure...No. She was, and is, my best friend. There was nothing weird or creepy about our relationship because we saw each other as equals.

I continued to roleplay all through high school, only taking a short break somewhere around my sophomore and junior year. The roleplaying world now catered to Twilight, haunted islands, mental facilities, but people were slowly slipping away, back into the real world. Ashley and I were not unusual, there were lots of girls who were best friends through roleplaying and had the same type of relationship.

We talked frequently, through phone calls, texts, even skype!

Then, in 2010 I begged my parents to let me fly to see a Nicholas Sparks movie with her, because the author is one we loved, and the story line was close to our hearts, as we were both with military men.
The answer was no.

But in June of 2010, she made the 12 hour drive to see me walk across the stage for my high school graduation.

My best friend, in my room!!!
2012

Our first picture together, with her sister,
2010

 

 

 

 

Best Friends Forever,
2010

Celebrating this milestone with my best friend,
2010

It was a whirlwind trip, one that only lasted two or three days. We went shopping, went to dinner, enjoyed cheese cake, danced the night away. There was no awkwardness, no tension...just two best friends having a great time. It was one of the best weekends of my life.

Six weeks later, we got to meet up again, as Ashley and her family moved across the country for her husband's naval orders. We had lunch together at a burger joint and walked around for a bit before parting ways.

Ashley's new baby, Kiera,
2010

Me and Ashley's daughter,
2010

Ashley's son, Ashley, and I,
2010.

 

"Our" husband JB,
2010.

 This was such a fun visit for me, finally getting to meet her family! I'd talked to them on the phone, I got pictures of them, and now, we were all together!

I went off to college that summer and Ashley was there to give me advice and hear every detail. We decided we would *try* to plan a visit every year, somehow...

A California Adventure,
2011.

Lunch with the kiddos,
2011

Fun on the Beach,
2011

The Final Harry Potter Premiere,
2011

 

 

Look who stopped by on her way back to Califonia!
February 2012

Ashley and her two month old in my apartment,
March 2013.

Some quiet "Aunt" time,
March 2013.

Best Friend Time!
March 2013

See you in 8 weeks, BFF!
March 2013

 I am 21 now, and I am in college. She is 29, with three years of military wife experience under her belt, and her family has expanded from three to five. We have been friends for seven years this year, and we have seen each other five times. In a month, I will be going to California for a glorious five days to spend time with her again, making six times. I could not be more excited.

You see, Ashley and I aren't just roleplaying buddies. We are best friends, giving and taking and uplifting and encouraging and loving through all faults. We are sisters, joined by life, supporting each other through all but always speaking up against anything that is not the best for each other. Her kids call me "Aunt V", and even though I am far away I want them to ALWAYS know that I love them, am proud of them, and support them through everything. I am so excited to see them become who they are meant to be. Someday, I hope she is an Aunt to my kids...

Our friendship isn't a relationship, it is a connection, one we work hard to maintain. Skype, care packages, talking everyday, marking things with a heart...our friendship is a priority. It is a special, beautiful thing and I have no doubt that she was sent to me by someone special. People think our relationship is weird...

But I think I am pretty damn lucky.