Almost Lover

I heave an exasperated sigh and look to the sky, eyes stinging with tears. The breeze ruffles my hair and I feel a gentle hand rub the back of my scalp soothingly. "It's okay," he whispers to me.

And it is, because he says it is. It's not okay. A broken car when one is on the brink of losing their job and has no savings on a college budget is not okay. But it is. He whispers those words into my soul and I take a deep breath. It's okay.

He is my anchor. My strength. When I can't go on anymore he is always there, to pat my back or pray for me.

He has seen me at my worst. He has come over just to give consoling hugs. He has pulled me out of my darkness. He changes my ipod when I can't seem to turn off my "depressing" music. He rubs my back until I am asleep, away from the harshness of the world.

He is my best secret keeper. He is so gracious and kind. He is encouraging. It was he who assured me it was okay to seek counseling. It was him who listened to each recap, his eyes fixated on me as I relived each awful hour weekly and pointed out my progress.

He is so wise. He councils me on each big decision, each small one. He offers his guidance, his support, without my even asking. I can count on him for honest opinions and he can count on me to value them. He helps me work through problems, stressful situations, anything I can't handle alone.

He is dedicated. To his dreams, to his family, to his friends. I have never known him to be anything less than fiercely loyal to all who know him, especially in their times of need.

He is familiarity, in those tight embraces, in the softness of his skin, in the way his hand finds their way to the small of my back.

He is newness, in each electrical touch, in each surprisingly sweet text.

He is fun, in each dance move, each laugh, each dinner.

He is my protector. He has taken care of me, he has kept me close to his side, he has held my hand to lead me through crowded places.

Once I told myself that there was going to be a man who walked into my life and I would realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
That time might not be now, but I can certainly see why each event unfolded the way it did to lead us here. To this vulnerable place of friendship, where each thought, trouble, and burden can be shared freely.  He is exactly what I need in my life. He has been, and he will be.

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I wrote this a few nights ago, probably at a time when I should have been sleeping. I kept it private because of how intimate it seemed. I just want to take all of my memories and keep them as close as possible so I can have them to hold on to when I need them most...

There is a sacredness I want to keep in my relationships, but after sitting on this post for a few days, I decided to publish it, because people need to know that there is goodness in the world. There is good men. He is a daily reminder.