I have to start off by saying that I love this blog. My blog. Not my first, and surely not my last.
For a good two and a half years, this blog has been here patiently waiting for me to fill the blank space with thoughts, words, recipes, pictures, ideas, outfits. If you scroll through each page, you'll notice an attempt to do so, but I'll admit, it's been half-hearted.
You see, when I started this blog, I was just starting to follow other people's blogs. I was inspired and wanted a space of my own to share my love of fashion, faith, friends, and food. I had a nice digital camera to take pictures, I had a roommate who never thought I was silly as I posed in whatever ensemble I picked out. I had topics. I was learning to cook through trial and error. I had a schedule.
And well, life hit. It's hard for me to go back to that time period, because I was incredibly depressed. I was just fresh out of high school, in my first apartment living with three strangers when two of my friends died separately in incredibly horrible, tragic deaths. It knocked me off my feet, pushed me drown, dragged me under the current to the point where I was no longer gasping for air because I didn't want any. I didn't want to blog, or be happy, or go to class. My grades suffered, my healthy suffered, and my relationships suffered. I was alone in a city with no connections to the friends I lost and the ones I missed. I didn't go out, I didn't study. I let myself give up because I felt grief gave me no other option.
Thankfully, I had a good enough head on my shoulders to recognize my weakness and I sought some help through counseling. There was a whole slew of problems at the time, and that was just one of many to tackle. Death, life, grief, it's all so enormous, you know? And we bravely step into them each day.
I got a job, then got a new one, then another, then two, and well, I've had a lot of fun learning how to be better at what I do. Fashion is why I started this blog, and I love that it permeates every aspect of life. It's how I express myself, it's how I connect with others, it's why I go to school. I have many a time made every intention to improve this blog. More updates, planned posts, collaborations with friends who blog, connecting with UNT bloggers. The dream has been there.
But, the passion has not.
I enjoy reading blogs. I enjoy writing. But, I do not enjoy writing blogs. I am a creative, reflective being.
I like to try new restaurants. I like to create things, beautiful things. I like to decorate and redecorate. I like listening to live music and going out for a drink. I like to read poetry on my porch with a cold glass of homebrewed sweet tea. I like to organize. I like to discover what I like and what I don't like, what I stand for, who I am. I like to live.
I'm not saying those who blog don't enjoy that. But from my perspective, in this loud corner, blogging takes time away from those things. It keeps me confined to my apartment as I write, edit, and plan. Life can very easily become centered around social media- wording your facebook posts a certain way, "designing" an Instagram photo, doing things for the purpose of filling a blog with content as opposed to enjoying them. I've done all of these things, because I want people on the internet to perceive me a certain way. Being a popular blogger these days is like being a celebrity. Book deals, clothing lines, items in exchange for talking about a product. It's too easy to want, but like anything else, it has it's costs, and that is your precious time.
I was talking to my dad today and in awe, realized it's been four years since I graduated highschool. FOUR. I am not the same person I was then. I am not the same as when I started this blog. I've grown up, matured, become more comfortable in my own skin, become more comfortable with being a woman, become more comfortable with being single, with being different, with being crunchy and passionate, and well, I don't want my blog to reflect that. I want my life to.
I've embarked on this whole new crunchy/natural/organic/attachment parenting life style, and some of the things I use and eat would be really fun to blog about. I'm interested in doing a few music reviews, continuing to post some poetry. But, this blog is officially on the back burner, perhaps indefinitely. I'm glad I started this to keep my memories and thoughts in a safe-but loud ;)- place.
No worries friends! You can find me on Pinterest, Instagram, and take a sneak peek at my newest endeavor La Vie Rubelle. 22 has been so sweet to me, and I'm incredibly blessed to continue to live and create in His name.
Peace and light,
V
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