Moments.

It has been quiet lately. That’s a stretch, I suppose. It’s been busier and more chaotic than ever. Staying focused and being present in each moment as it happens is something I have to work on because as of late, my mind seems to be racing and wandering to other things-school, work, memorizing menus and remembering who needed cups of water, who wanted what muffin, and which couple wanted their goods to go or at their table.  It’s a good, busy, full life.

There have been many, many changes this year, more than I can ever remember being. Some of them have been needed and necessary. Some have been planned out, options weighed. Some have happened as life would have it and some of them, I had no control over. There are far too many things to list, some personal, some not, but with my world changing and rearranging, I find myself a little overwhelmed with it all.

God, as good as he is, gives me so many moments of quiet to reflect on it all and soak it all in. Many people today don’t know how to be still, they are afraid of that moment when the quiet sets in around them, but not I. 

FUN FACT: I almost named my blog “the quiet corner”. It’s cute right? It sounds quaint, cozy, charming, still. But then I thought, when is my life EVER quiet? When is my mind EVER silenced? I am loud, crazy, outgoing, full of laughter. There is no room for quiet here! I suspect that there will come a time in my life when I will have a “quiet corner” in the world, but for now, loud suits me.

So here, in my loud, crazy, beautiful corner of the world (and blogosphere) I can unashamedly say that I have struggled this year, with all of the changes thrown at me. Some have been harder to overcome than others, and some I am working on being at peace with, and that is okay. I am not afraid of silence, I am not afraid of change and I am never, never afraid of life and how it will turn. Even if it is ugly, unfair, heart breaking, confusing, evil, wonderful, all of it. I am not afraid. I was born to do this.

There is this girl that I am absolutely in love with. I adore everything about her. Her fight, her spirit, her passion, the way she makes mistakes and rises above them even when given every reason not to. She is absolutely beautiful, absolutely vulnerable even at her strongest. She is headstrong. She is struck down but not destroyed and the loyalty she gives to her friends and family is unmatched. The love and the light and the life that pours from her is awe-worthy. 

I have come to realize that I am more like Brooke PenelopeDavis than anyone and that is okay. Being lost is okay, being open is okay, walking around with open wounds is okay! Because that is life! It goes on! You find yourself, you get what you give, and your wounds turn into wisdom. Bad days turn to good ones and one day, you learn to laugh again, that unabashed laughter that causes you to double over and gasp for breath.

That being said, I have handled each change with as much grace and level headedness that a 21 year old could muster. Most days I don’t even feel 21, but that’s a post for another day. It’s been a crazy ride for sure, and it is easy to get frustrated and upset because my life isn’t going the way I “planned”. There is fear in the unknown but I am courageous, in loud moments and in quiet ones.