For Good

Who can say if I've beenChanged for the better?I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
And because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

 

 I was talking with a friend about my blog and she asked if I write depressing things. I had to stop and think about it-not think about the answer, the answer is without a doubt yes. But I had to try come up with words to explain WHY I do this.

 

I don't want  my blog to be depressing. I want it to be a warm, safe place where people can come.

 

But I want it to be real, and honest.

 

And the truth is that 367 days have passed and I am still hurting every day. I hurt when there is noise or silence or laughter. I hurt when there is music or parties.

 

Death took a piece of me, and for a long time I wanted to just forget everything so I could have that piece back. So I could be whole again. I wanted to erase my memories and forget their faces and those nights...but that is not possible.

 

 

I can tell you that I will hurt every day for the rest of my life, however long or short that may be. The pain will always be there, just under the surface because the hole that Death left cannot be filled ever again.

 

But I can also tell you that in order to carry on you have to be brave. You cannot be angry or bitter. That's where I am now. Just sad. So immensely sad.

 

But I am courageous and I am brave. I am determined and I am strong willed and I long for the sunlight. I will see it again someday soon, just as someday, I will see Dana.