Thankful For...

I listened to my father and brother brainstorm about some kind of activity to do on Thanksgiving. We were going to have about 15-20 people in the house, and for some reason they felt the need to make up some kind of game to do after everyone had grazed enough. It sounded kind of silly, and I would much rather be eating than sharing my feelings. I didn't pay much attention until the activity started.

Everyone drew a word out of a hat.
Someone
Something
An Event

You had to say something you were thankful for that matched up with what you got. My dad told me to get my camera because people were going to start crying and sure enough, third person in, my mom, is blubbering like a baby in typical Diana fashion. I looked into my hands at the word I had. Something.
I thought about what I could say. As people went around telling the circle what they were thankful for, I only listened half-heartedly because I was formulating my own response. I had this big lump in my throat half way around the circle and by the time it got to me I was a mess. I had to go to my make-shift room, since I know longer have one in that house, and cry. It turned into sobs, the loud kind that break your own heart, the ones you think won't stop. It lasted for a long time.

This year has been the hardest one of my life. I've had family problems and nearly moved out. I had money problems-like literally not even enough money to buy a package of toilet tissue. I've had boy problems-letting go of my "first love"-although that's all solved now but at the time it was rough. School has kicked my ass and I'm pretty sure I've failed 2/4 classes this semester but all of that pales in comparison to the fact that...
Two of my friends died within three months of each other. 

Justin and I had been friends since our sophomore year of highschool. We had Geometry class together and he attempted to help me. We had a computer class together the following semester and we hung out outside of school. Senior year he was a Starguard for our dance team so I got to see him. We hadn't hung out since highschool let out and the day I after I got home from my Cali Vacay, I learned he was killed in a motorcyle accident.

Danielle (Dana) passed away on October 10, 2011. I was with my aunt at Ghengis Grill, enjoying lunch. She jumped on facebook on her phone and I did too. Scrolling through my updates I saw two familiar names listed with an RIP. Clicking on the status, I learned that my sweet friend had died too, in what turned out to be a quadruple fatality accident. Twin brothers Stephen and Michael were killed. I had gone to school ALL of my life with these boys. We weren't exactly friends, though I had hung out with them often my sophomore year because my ex-bff and ex-bf were good friends with them. Dana and I had gone to school together for TEN YEARS. We grew pretty close our senior year, and we talked often via facebook. When I had those family problems, I called her. Three months later, she was gone.

It has not been easy to deal with. It has taken a toll on my academic life, my social life. For about a week after it happened, I barely talked to anyone. There are days when I still don't. It hurts the same as it did when I found out (especially at night).

Four people are gone from this world. Four people that I knew, two people that I loved. I am grateful to wake up every morning, when they cannot. I am grateful to celebrate holidays with my family and feel the love, whereas they cannot anymore.

People say it will get easier. Missing someone DOES get easier. But missing someone who is gone forever...I am convinced that it will hurt every day for the rest of my life.